Where am I now?

I have been an Auntie going on 8 years now. I now (technically) have 3 nephews and 1 niece.  Plus many more by choice through other friends and family.  There is something so special and truly magical about being an Aunt.  Unconditional love comes easy. Hugs and kisses are given away like candy on Halloween.  "Watch out for Auntie kisses!" is something I warn them of each time I visit. They are young enough to giggle over it right now. Soon it will be, "Auntie! Gross!" Hahahaha. It's crazy to say and sometimes hard to comprehend, but there is just so much more to life because of these little beings and their human needs. It's a unique bond that I hope most Aunties do not take for granted!
I'm not a biological mother, so I cannot speak to what that is like or how my role as Auntie, Mother Figure, Friend-  compares. And honestly, it's not a debate. They don't actually compare; they are unique and stand alone from each other.  I understand that most (or many) women are biological Moms, as well as, Aunts.  I'm a little different. I may not be a Mom to anyone, but I'm now lucky enough to be a mother figure, a biological Auntie and an Auntie by choice. And no, I don't have any pets. That's a topic I will save for another time. I promise you though, that I am human.  I am conscious of my roles. And I am going to continue to be the best mother figure and Auntie I can be!!
That being said, what is it like to be 36 and NOT a Mom? Surprisingly hard. I'm not sure if you have noticed, but our society is so judgemental. Not always in an intentionally harsh kind of way, but in the, "You don't have kids?" "Oh, are these your stepkids?" kind of way. There's such a politically correct fine line that I walk each day...not only publicly, but in my own mind.  Are they my biological children? No. Do I recognize they have a Mother and Father that love them more than life itself? YES. However, would I give up everything, lay down my life, sever a limb (and I don't do blood ;) ) for their safety and happiness? YES AND I AM PISSED YOU are taking the time to ask me that, as I am worried (usually irrationally- just like any ol' parent!)ALWAYS for their safety and happiness.

Getting Started Part 2

Nearly three years later, here I am again. Inspired by an old friend's recent blog post I decided to download this app and give it a true chance.  So here's to jumping in feet first, again. Nothing wrong with tip toeing a little bit before going all in! After all, I'm not an eager and uninhibited child anymore. I'm a 36 year old who has been tip toeing just up to my knees for years!

That being said, this blog is for me, as a way to organize my thoughts and process daily life. In case others end up reading this, let me start with a little background.  I am a firm believer that context is key!  I also say that as an excuse to share some basic stuff, but really, it will be good for me to remember where I came from and to remind myself who I am today.

Born and raised in Portland, Maine I was the oldest child. My younger sister, was my real life baby doll. I say that, not in some deranged way, but because that is how protective of her I was (and in many ways still am).  Four years her senior, I was so concerned about her happiness and mostly her safety, that looking back, I must have suffocated her. Being just a kid myself, I didn't know any better. I thought I was doing what all Big Sisters did: making sure she didn't fall and scrape her knee, didn't get into trouble and didn't go through any unnecessary life lessons. I had been there, done that and just wanted to protect her. What really happened is I didn't let her be a kid as I should have, or perhaps, even be her own person. As you can imagine, this, coupled with going through adolescence, really put a strain on our relationship. It took becoming adults, going to college and not living together (gaining perspective) for us to really become friends again. I am so thankful for her friendship and to have had our bond, the kind only siblings can have, withstand all the crap we went through together growing up. Now we live a block away and truly are best friends.

Getting Started

In my mind I have been "talking" about writing again for YEARS.   I've come up with every excuse there is not to write. I don't have time; I hate my computer; I hate my new computer; I can't decide if a blog is best, a memoir, or fiction; I've forgotten most grammar rules, etc.   What it really boils down to is that I haven't had an idea to write about.   So here I am, jumping in feet first and hoping that the "idea" will come to me before I sink.   Either way, it's better than just sitting on shore watching.  After all, I've already mastered that.